The Incontinent Angel Layer Cake

Yesterday I was tucking into one of my favourite types of cake, angel layer cake. I love angel layer cake. What a perfectly sweet name it has. This sugary goodness is so angelic and good, you could even call it divine. It makes you feel like eating the full cake because it contains layers of actual angels. If you consume angels into your digestive system maybe they will spread throughout your body and turn you into some magnificent beaming light. You'd be a beacon of goodness, everything you ever wanted would come true. You would get into heaven. It's pure gold, a cake made of win.

There's a cheesy chat-up line that some people may have heard, about angels. You know the one about heaven must be short an angel since you've fallen to earth, some kind of rubbish like that. The truth is, they didn't fall out of the sky. The reason that girl looks like an angel is that she's stuffed her face with so much angel layer cake that she's been forever transformed into one.

What sets the cake apart from the rest are the colours. I love the colours of the layers. Bright pink layer at the top, that must be the angel's face. White layer at the bottom that must be either the angel's feet or the bottom of its robes. But I can't help feeling a little dubious about the middle layer. It's yellow. Now in my mind that is the middle area of the angel, which means it would be the angel's genitals. It would appear the middle layer of the cake is where the angels have wet themselves. This is somewhat distressing when you have this thought mid-cake. I'm eating angel piss. The cake makers have tried to hide the fact these angels are incontinent by inserting a layer of icing in a feeble attempt to stop the wee from running down to the bottom of the cake. This is a disaster. It's like making teapots out of chocolate. However, not one to be easily put off my food, I curiously kept eating. It actually tasted quite nice. They've done well adding the flavourings, you can hardly even taste the urine. It's quite amazing, and also rather worrying what can be done these days to disguise such mysterious and disgusting 'secret' ingredients used to create that perfectly scrumptious flavour.

Some foods you just have to avoid at all costs no matter how diverse you think they are. Delicacies such as yellow snow and chocolate snow must always be avoided like the plague. Don't even be tempted by chocolate snow, it will only end badly. Other delights are more plausible like angel layer cake. But a word to the wise, if you're happily chomping on your favourite food, don't jeopardise your enjoyment of it by stopping halfway through and start actually thinking about what you're eating. Just eat it if you know what's good for you or you might end up with the dilemma in which I found myself and you may not be able to stomach your ideas no matter how crazy and far fetched they are.